Wait and See, Empathy
by MedliSage
Summary: It wasn't common, and it wasn't rare, either, for Neku to have nightmares.


It wasn't common, and it wasn't rare, either, for Neku to have nightmares. Nightmares of the Game and things related to it; nightmares of being Erased, nightmares of being in the Game again, and sometimes, nightmares about Joshua - or more specifically, losing Joshua. Ones where Neku's finger slips and he shoots Joshua, kills him, or one where Joshua never comes back after taking that attack from Pi-face at the end of the second week. And sometimes, even, nightmares where he's on his way to WildKat after school like he usually does now, and Joshua simply isn't there. Or sometimes after he goes to sleep with Joshua next to him, he'd dream of waking up to nothing but empty space in his place. It wasn't out of the realm of possibility, he thought. For Joshua to simply cut ties without a word. It seemed like him. If he deemed their relationship not worth it anymore, if he thought it couldn't work, it wouldn't surprise Neku if Joshua would choose to cut it cleanly without so much as a goodbye. Would Neku even remember Joshua? Could Joshua do something like that? Would it be better not to remember in that case?

It scared him. And so sometimes in the middle of the night he'd wake, and if Joshua wasn't there Neku would send him a text. It would be something simple, a rough facade along the lines of "hey what's up?" or some such, and Joshua would always reply within two minutes, without fail. Whether Joshua saw through the guise or not, Neku didn't know, until the first time he woke up in a cold sweat with Joshua laying right next to him.

"I'm fine," Neku had said to him before Joshua had even opened his mouth to ask what was wrong.

"Were you having a nightmare?" Joshua asked without a moment's delay, sitting up as quickly as Neku had.

"I... kind of."

"You're not a very good liar, Neku Sakuraba."

And to that, Neku didn't have a response, not even a simple "shut up." Instead he only took a deep breath, body shuddering as he tried to shake off the images of Joshua dead, bleeding out on the ground.

"Forget about it," Neku finally said, turning his head away from Joshua. He could feel him staring, feel his eyes seeing right through him.

"Neku." And just by that tone of voice, even before Joshua had slid over and straddled him on his lap, Neku knew he wasn't winning this one. He was half expecting Joshua to kiss him now, in that Joshua way where he would lean in and push his head up with the gentle but firm force of it, but instead Joshua's face only moved a bit closer to Neku's, close enough that their foreheads were almost touching, as his hand rose up and softly held the side of Neku's face.

"I just don't want you to go anywhere," Neku said suddenly, quietly, the darkness of the room feeling as if it was enclosing the two of them, pushing them closer together than they already were. He could barely make out Joshua's head tilting ever so slightly as he tried to analyze every single possible meaning of Neku's words within the span of five seconds, but before that time passed he continued, "I just - I don't know with you, sometimes." Neku's voice was almost inaudible, the sound of his hand coming up to grip onto the hem of Joshua's shirt louder possibly louder than his tone. "I don't know if I'm going to wake up and you're just… not going to be there."

There was a small silence, until Joshua lifted his other hand to rest on Neku's shoulder, leaning his face in further so that their noses were touching. "With someone like you here, how could I ever leave, even if I wanted to?"

"Josh," Neku said with a sigh, which was cut off short as Joshua came closer, his lips brushing over Neku's now with each word he spoke.

"I'm serious," he nearly whispered. "I mean it when I say I couldn't leave you, even if I wanted to. After the end of the Game, I had no initial intention of ever speaking to you again." Neku's grip tightened a bit, fingers curling into the fabric of Joshua's shirt. "Yet here I am." A pause, as he pressed a soft, quick kiss onto Neku's mouth. "I'm not going anywhere."

Neku pushed himself forward after that, kissing Joshua nearly hard enough to bruise him, and Joshua was reciprocating fully as their hands roamed around each other, as if trying to feel out and confirm each and every part of their existence in the darkness.

A minute or two went by, and they broke apart just enough to let the air back into their lungs. "Let's get back to sleep," Neku said after catching his breath, untangling his hand from Joshua's hair. He leaned back onto the bed, hand sliding from Joshua's shoulder down his arm and onto his hand, lightly pulling him along.

"You know," Joshua said as he pulled the covers over and turned to face Neku, "if you're worried, you could just hold onto me to make sure I don't go anywhere."

"Like that would do anything," Neku replied, rolling his eyes.

"You wound me, Neku." Joshua scooted over, draping an arm over Neku as he usually did. "After all, why do you think I'm always holding onto you like this?"

For a moment Neku said nothing, head turning toward Joshua and staring back at his shimmering, violet eyes. And then he turned over to face him, winding an arm around his back and pulling him close. "You don't need to worry," he said quietly.

He could hear the small smile that Joshua must've had as he spoke. "Good night, Neku," he said, cozying himself Neku's hold further.

"Good night, Josh."

* * *

when i started this like 40 minutes ago it definitely had some kind of direction but that got really lost really fast and now it's like 3:30am so i really dont care not that that's an excuse but ヽ(。_°)ノ whatever heres that joshneku fic ive written like five other times


End file.
